"JC, please don't..." Nadine turned away as he tries to remove the scarf on her face. Her voice seemed more distant then where she was standing from him, it was the thin silk that had filtered out her voice before it can get to him.
"What is that you can't let me know? Baby, I'll understand." He touches her face lightly through the thin fabric. "You know I will."
"I'm just not ready," She took his hand from her face and holds it within hers. "You'll be the first one to know when I am. But as for now, I'm just not."
It was odd. He had never saw her whole face in those three months they have been together. Odd as it might seems to have a relationship with someone you haven't seen as a whole, but he knew he truly love her when he saw his own reflection upon her eyes. It came pure from the heart, since he couldn't see her beauty on the outside. He loved all the things she felt and on her mind. He was afraid the chance of finding another girl like Nadine was going to be so tough, he lower his self curiosity and decides to respect her decisions.
He grin as he remember what happened the night he met her, he immediately know it was her. A strong force pull him towards her, as if that was the moment he and her have been waiting for their whole lives. As he get to know her, he felt himself sinking deeper and deeper in that stir of love. She was beautiful and tall, the friend he thought he could never find. He probably couldn't find a friend in someone who wears a white silk scarf around her face in all time, but their special bond is way passed that. She made it clear to him in the very beginning.
"JC, listen. I need to talk to you about this. This silk on my face does have a meaning," She spoke lightly, yet in a controlled voice. "And you might not like it, but this is part of who I am. So please not ask until I have decide whether to tell you. I'm sorry if you're not interested anymore, but I'm not sorry for why I did this." She said with a firm confide.
JC was shocked she had so much assurance that he couldn't speak the words that he was going to say. When he saw Nadine locked her eyebrows together in confusions. He knew if he misses his chance, he¡¦d never be able to get it back again.
"I am interested." JC said quickly, "This doesn't matter to me, you are attractive with or without it." He said it in one breath, and finding himself desperate for her.
Nadine smile beautifully under the translucent scarf, he could see the soft outline of her lips. "Shall we dance?" She asks softly with a slight chuckle.
"Yes. We should." He smiles back, with his most charming smile.
Ever since that moment, they have been dancing in the clouds for 3 months. Their passions grew strongly, not presented in kisses, but their movement interacting within each other was more then words can put out. They were indeed, drowning in the ocean of love.
"What happens when you guys eat food? Does she like set up a wall so you can't see her?" Chris joked as they walked in the studio.
"Chris, shut up. It's not like that. I've never felt anything even slightly compare to Nadine, I don't want to mess this up." JC said, both joking and serious.
"JC, really. How can you keep this relationship tight with a scarf between you two? You guys haven't even kissed." Justin asked while carelessly looking through the music. It seems impossible to him to have a girlfriend but keeping the urge of kisses.
"J, when you come to think of it. It does hurt a little to not be able to see their face or to kiss them. But that's not what love is all about. We focus on other things other things that actually matter to us." JC said with a smile on his face, "She's beautiful, from inside to out."
"JC, I'm just thinking it's a little weird." Justin replied, looking a little weird.
"Look," JC stopped what he was doing and stared at Justin, "Whatever is going on, I¡¦ll know. I just need to give her the space she needs and respect as well. This stuff doesn't affect me at all, and it certainly doesn't affect us. Me and Nadine."
He has a certainty. He knows that if she ever needs someone, it'll be him. There's something different about this relationship that carries way beyond any others. It was a whole new level of everything within factors of love. It's been frustrating before he had met her, it wasn't easy for him to be alone at all times and felt like he can't trust anyone in the world. And there she was, standing tall and strong for him, as if this was decided in their life this was meant to happen.
JC crossed his arms to around Nadine, as she lightly rested her head against his shoulders under the quiet moonlight. The air was damp with a touch of sweetness; you can smell it when you take a breath. JC kisses her lightly on the neck as she look up at the moon. The gray kitten, Tammy lay quietly besides the embraced couple.
"Baby, you gonna get cold. Let's go inside." JC said softly as he kisses the side of her head and hugged her.
"You go in first, I want to stay out here a little longer." Nadine replies, persuading him.
JC take off his sweatshirt and put it on Nadine. "Don't be long.¡¨ he slides the glass door quietly, and stepped inside the room.
The moon is hanged on the sky along with the little stars. Yet, she can still feel the loneliness of the moon. Nadine picks up the cat and put it on her knees as she touch the small pale furred animal with a comforting massage.
"Tam, you think the moon ever gets tired of coming out only at the night?" She said quietly. "It's because of the sun. The sun is so bright in the day, that people only see the yellow flaming ball in the sky. But the moon is always there, no matter how shiny or warm the sun looks. The sun doesn't. So there's always night and day, in order to see both of them." The kitten meowed. She continues, "Someday, the night will come. And I won't be able to hide in this anymore. I'll get hurt. I always do. JC will hurt me someday as well, but I'll have to deal." A tear slowly runs down her cheek. "The moon is always jealous of the sun's shine. But vice versa, the sun is always apprehensive for the coldness of the moon." Sheds of tears dotted the scarf. "JC is the sun, I'm the moon. We can never be in the same sky together. Not ever, because the shine always takes out the pale on the moon."
JC felt his eyes heating up, and this bitter taste at the throat. He was coming out to get her, but as he hears what she said, he stopped dead in his tracks on the sand. He listened to her, and felt her pain strong and fast that it almost stroked him down. He waited until the tears had stopped coming out of her eyes, then he pretend he was just coming from the house.
"Honey, it's late. Come inside, you're gonna get a cold." He had a hard time speaking to her and pretends he didn't know what's been making her so sad and so independent.
"Okay." Nadine picked up Tammy; under the moonlight her tears had dried. And she looked pale. "I'm coming." Her voice sounded with the same confidence and strong as the Nadine he first met.
Why won't she just trust me? JC thought as he opened the door for her. After all this she still won't tell me anything. His heart is torn apart, the pain was forcing the tears out of his eyes. He stayed in the shades so Nadine can't see them.
It was deep into the night, JC looked at the girl beside him through the night-light. Even in her sleep she didn't took the scarf off, the rhythm of her breath softly shatter the soft silk. He gazes at her in passion, and he moved a little closer to Nadine and put his head beside hers. He touches the scarf, making his effort so gentle that she won't even notice. He mildly takes off the silver pin that was on the two ends of the pretty silk. He slowly lifts it up to see her lips, and finally he drops the white, elegant fabric beside the bed as he stared at her in disbelieve.
It was a beautiful face, a shame to the world that she has been hiding it. He touch her features tamely, couldn't believe the realness of her beauty and elegance. He got closer to her and pressed his lips to hers to make it their first kiss. He embraced her with his passion. He finally lifts his head up to see her, staring back at him in shock. Her eyes was watery and shinny, he lightly again kissed her on the cheek. Hoping to provide comfort. But his desire for her was too great to resist, he again rested his lips onto hers. She too, kisses back as the tears roll down from her eyes to touch JC's face.
"Baby let me make love to you." JC ask in lust, kissing her rapidly.
The tears never stopped falling from Nadine's brown eyes as she nodded yes. She was mixed with emotions. Confused, angry, and depressed. But most of all, she was relieved. Relieved that she didn't have to hide from him anymore. Her mind was drifting as JC pull off her pajama and kissed her with affection. The moon was high on the night sky, so full, so bright.
"Forever," JC whispered the word to her ears. "I promise."
That night, she changed. She forgot her past and the pain she suffered. This time it is going to be different. She promised herself.
It was warm, the heat in the room comfort her. She closed her eyes at the strong presence of the day light, then she realize the disappearance of the scarf, which made them open again. Nadine flipped to the other side, waking JC up as she moved.
"Morning, beautiful." JC grinned at her as he reaches his arms out to her.
"Hey." She lightly smiled at him, and let him hugged her. "You hungry? I'll go make you some breakfast." She said as she trying to get off the bed.
"No, not now." He said quickly as he hold her tight, "Not just yet. Stay with me for a couple minutes."
"Baby, we've got all day." She chuckled at him, "Now let me go to make you some toast."
"No! Stay!" JC tighten his grip on his arms. The phone by the bed started to ring. JC groaned and pick up.
"Hello?" JC said as he watches Nadine getting dress.
"JC? I just called to remind you that tonight are the party. The Jive year end party." Joey said in excitement.
"Well, that means I have to go. Is it formal?"
"Yep." Joey paused, "Hey, I got to run buddy. I'll see you at the hotel. Dayum carwash lines are a pain." Joey mumbled.
"Joey is washing his car? What is going on? Anyway I won't bother you, see you tonight!" JC joked.
He rushes up the stairs to find Nadine throwing the eggshells into the garbage can. The smell of food dissolves in the air mixed with the warm morning breaths.
"Hey darling." He said as he grabbed her waist.
"What are you up to now?" She turned her head and gives him a kiss.
"Be my date tonight?" He asked, "The Jive year end party."
"JC, I don't know. It's not that I wouldn't love to go, but I've got to get use to this. It takes time, I just don't know if I can." Nadine said, looking away from JC's eyes.
"And this is the perfect opportunity to get use to it isn't it?" JC whispers as he tug her to him a little closer, and looked deep into her eyes. "But I do love you, and I will stay if you don't want to go."
His sweetness melted her. She grinned in thankfulness, thankful for him and his kind personality. "I love you too, so that's why we're going to the party."
"JC? Who is that? Where's Nadine? What happened?" Joey pulled JC aside from the pretty brunette he was with, and explodes in his face with questions.
"Chill Joe, Jesus." He laughed, and point to Nadine. "That is Nadine. All right? Nothing happened. Nothing."
"Nothing happened? How you get her to take off that scarf?" Joey looked confused, "Meanwhile, why would she hide such a beautiful face like that? Man, you almost give me a heart attack. Thought you were having an affair or something."
"It's not a big deal Joe. Just chill. Besides, this stuff isn't that important anyways. Just go back to the dance floor and meet a few new ladies like you always do okay buddy?" JC grinned at Joey's paranoid personality and lightly pushed him. "Don't worry about us, you just go have fun."
Then he runs up to Nadine, who was talking to Justin and Lance. Justin had 'surprised' written all over his face, it was Lance that did most of the chatting. JC took Nadine's hand and said "Well look at this...You wouldn't mind three's company would you?" as he kiss her on the cheek.
"Oh go get a room." Chris bounces out of nowhere.
"You know, I was just thinking of that." JC joked back.
"Oh no you don't." She lightly punched him on the arm, "Wasn't last night enough for you?"
Suddenly realize what she just gave away by those laughers and high-fives, she look at JC and rest her head lightly on his shoulder as she grin. He gaze down at her, she's so beautiful, so perfect. Dam, I'm blessed. He thought. But she's so mysterious, why can't she just tell me? He lightly kissed her lips, showing his love for her will always be there.
It was a little after a year when things begin to fall apart. She was starting her career as a model. While him, the one fifth of one of the biggest pop band worked into every midnight. Eventually, they didn't have time for each other anymore. They both knew the love was still there, but the magic has vanished. And neither of them wanted to admit that. When finally JC couldn't take it anymore, it was exactly a year and a month.
She was at home, and JC was at the rehearsals. She was waked up from the ringing of the phone.
"Yeah?" All she wanted to do at the time was go back to her sleep.
"Nadine? I'm sorry, did I wake you?" JC said sadly, not because he awoken her.
"Sweetie aren't you at rehearsals right now?" She sense the voice differs from how he usually talks, "What's wrong?"
"I just think that..." He paused, "We don't have time for each other no more." His voice was so quiet that she can barely hear him. But she did, and it felt like someone just slit a knife across you heart. Leaving the wound to bleed unstoppably.
A tear ran down her face. Not because she know this relationship is going to end, but the fact that she knew this was true. It had been so good, so good that I thought that I wouldn't get hurt. So good that I let myself to get hurt. She sobbed quietly.
"Oh honey, don't cry." He breathe rapidly, the heat behind his eyes were starting to build. "I'm coming home right now okay?"
"No." She took a deep breath to speak. "Because I won't be here." It killed her to say those words, but she knew she had to.
JC heard a flat dial tone at the end, and he slowly sit down on the floor and cried. It torn his heart for hurting the girl he loves so bad. But now it's too late for anything.
It's been hurting her. For the last month it was pain to even sees his pictures on those magazines, it was like living a dead for her. In fact, she has felt herself died draining in tears. She locked herself in this chamber, and wouldn't allow anyone to come in. Raise the walls higher around her everyday, until that day when JC came back to find her.
"Baby, don¡¦t walk away." He grabbed her hand as she headed to the opposite direction. "I just can't stop thinking of you."
She looked at him and paused while felt her anger grew. "You can't just come back into my life telling me you love me after you just pushed away my love." Her voice was shaking but rising, "It just doesn't work that way. You know why I wore that scarf around my face?" It made him sad to see her so upset, all because of him. "Because I was hurt so many times that I don't even know what is love anymore. But then you came along, stole my heart like those ex-boyfriends who hurt me. And you would think that I won't make the same mistake again, but I guess I'm just pathetic. So pathetic that I let you hurt me." She was so upset she just wants to cry in his arms just once more. "They hurt me because of my face. I hate how I look and I hate the way people treat me by how I look. But I thought you would be different, I thought this love was going to last." She finally broke down into tears. She slowly whispers, "I thought when you said 'forever' you actually meant it." Then she walked away.
He felt so sorry for her, sorry for what she had been through. But more what she felt for him that he rejected. He sinks his head to his arms, wishing to make up for what he has done. It was a cold day in New York, the clouds were heavy and the sky was dark. He slowly felt the tiny snowflakes falling on his hands. He looked up to found that thousand of the identical flakes were falling from the sky rapidly. He ran to Nadine's apartment, and rings the doorbell impatiently.
She opened the door without saying a word, not even upset that he came. Her face show no expressions or feelings, the only evidence of anything was that trial of dried tears on her cheek.
He walked a little closer to her. "Don't push me away just because I understand you." He touches her soft hair, and cheeks. "Because I love you, and I know you share the same feeling for me. So please don't, don't walk away from me."
There was the long silence, when they can hear their breaths. "It's fate JC. This isn't going to work, and it's not because of our understanding for each other. Its just fate. We're not going to be happy." She looked into the deepest of those blue eyes.
"If you can't make me happy, no one can." JC said, not giving up. "What I'm trying to say is...Will you spend the rest of your life with me?" He picks up her hand and softly holds it in his.
She found herself in shock, looking at his beautiful face. She slowly said, "JC listen, I didn¡¦t want to tell you. But I only have three more months." Her voice was filled with depression and pain.
"Three more month to what?" He was afraid to ask, more afraid for her then for himself.
"It's cancer. Lung cancer. They found that out a month ago." She spoke softly, "I'm so sorry."
"No, no. No you are not leaving me. Tell me it isn't true. Just tell me you're lying." His voice was shaking.
She slowly hugged him and sobbed in his chest. "I wish I was JC." She lifted her head to look at him, "I love you all along, and I'm going to love you till eternity. But I can't be here with you." One more burning tear drops from her eyelids.
"Baby, it's going to be fine." He put his arms around her, "I'll make everything alright. Because I love you, till forever." He lightly touches her hair; his cheeks were soaked with salted tears.
"JC? Are you alright?" Lance asked as he saw his friend. He knew that he wasn't all right, no one was. No one was who knew Nadine.
"Yeah, Lance. I just need time to myself." He was in a black tux. She hates black, she hates tux. Why can't this be about her for the last time? He thought to himself. Remembering the shadows of her and her beautiful smiles.
"You are Nadine's boyfriend aren't you?" A stranger came up to him.
"Yes." He said in pain.
"I'm so sorry about what happen." Stranger said in sympathy.
"Me too." JC force himself to smile.
"It's not easy when someone close to you just died. But you got to pick yourself up sooner or latter. I'm sure she wouldn't want to see you sad like this." Stranger grinned at him as JC lift his head in shock.
The word death rings in JC's ears. It all sound so emotionless and cold, like that coffin in front of him. He slowly watched the stranger walked away. He went up to her soulless body and touched her face once more. He pick up a pink rose in the vase, and put it in her hands. Wishing she would wake up like the princess in those fairy tales. But this was no fairy tale, and she wasn't cast under a spell to be wake up. He knew that he had to carry on, like the way she'll want him to be.
"What was she like?" A little girl stand beside him asks. She was crying as she saw the pale face of the girl in the coffin.
"A Beautiful girl. More inside then the out." He smiles at the girl. It hurt for him to smile at first, but then he realizes Nadine, too, was smiling with her eye closed.